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| Department for the desperate |
| THE BIG SFX READER'S AWARDS DRINKING GAME For you can't bear it sober ... |
| Author's note: while I once downed a bottle of Tanquerai gin and survived, I really have to say: folks, don't overdo it with the booze. And the following is a joke, not to be taken seriously – just like the SFX-readers-awards – and under no circumstances should you TRY this drinking game with alcoholic beverages. It can be lethal. And so it begins … What you need: Bottles. Many, many bottles. A Sci-Fi, Fantasy and Cinema magazine (preferably SFX). A technophobe in charge of the video. The Monty Python troupe in charge of the organisation. Open the first bottle. This should be champagne to honour the fact that Walter Koenig's laudatio to James Doohan was the only act with dignity during this event. Then proceed as follows: Take a drink for every quarter of an hour the event is delayed without any explanation given for the reasons. Open the second bottle. Rise your glass when you hear the announcement that one of the winners can't attend because "she's in Europe". Decide to consult your map on the location of Britain once you are back at the hotel, and have a drink every time you thank the gods that Chris Berrie is the MC, otherwise you might consider drowning yourself in a water dispenser; you feel like a complete idiot because you don't get even one of Chris Berrie's Red Dwarf jokes, as Red Dwarf is not shown on the continent. Open the third bottle. Take a drink for every time the video isn't working; the winner is not present; you deeply regret you spent your money on this event rather than on a bottle of gin. Have a special drink because Viggo Mortensen won best actor; because you wonder if Viggo Mortensen will ever know he won; because you are grateful at least one award did NOT go to Buffy. Open the fifth ... naw ... fourth ... whatever ... bottle ... and have a drink for every time a member of Pink Khaki tells the delightful story how David Boreanaz went shopping to buy fancy clothes for his wife's Chihuahua in a top-notch designer shop. ::plop:: Aaaaaaaaaand another drink every time somebody golf-naw-wolf-whissless when James Marssers or Hanks, naw, Shanks are mentionned.... Oops, sosorry dinnt see you'n'yer twin ... wheriss my bottle ... ah here, now shuu end this game :hic: dunk yer head in da fruit bowle owl, naw, bowl coz Chissopher Lee innit here but in Australia nono Austria not the 'uns with da Kangaroos ... oooh! Bouncy bouncy!!!! |
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