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| "MINT ON CARD" Chez Sil'k by The Doc |
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| And once again we were loading our tandem and the little red wagon with note book, camera and cartoonist and set out to report for you, dear readers, directly from the home of one of your PK-14 heroes. However, it was not easy to get access to Sil'k's quarters. When we rang the doorbell, PK-14's residential alien warrior let us know that he would only open the door if we knew the password, alas, his publicist forgot to tell us. "Sesame?" "No." "Lovebug?" "No." "Apophis?" "No!!!" "Well, Mr. Sil'k, Sir, we are really only harmless journalists on a tight budget and even tighter schedule, could you not, just for this one time, make an exception and let us enter without a password?" "No." "Oh, for crying out loud …" "See? It wasn't that difficult." The lock snapped open, and we entered the holy halls. Our hearts beat faster at the prospect of spending half an hour in the dim-lit, mystic place, with scented candles and alien cult objects, learning more about the wisdom and the philosophy of the Laffa. "Cool, dudes, good to see you, c'mon in, flop down over there, beer's in the fridge." Sil'k, munching on a tuna sandwich and wearing a "Incredible Hulk" t-shirt (a present, as we later learn, from author Moe Yacuzzi), pointed at a couple of wooden crates, and we do our best to take a seat without getting runners in our stockings. "Help yourself to the beer, dudes, I'll be with you any second, but I got an auction running on GreedBay, and I don't want to see 'g8erfreak' or 'chocolatehopbunny2' outbid me at the very last second again." To say we were surprised would be an understatement. "What auction are you bidding on?" I ask, and our cartoonists adds hopefully: "Books on art and philosophy?" Sil'k shakes his head, not losing eye-contact with the screen in front of him for a second. "Nope. The Dr. Manuel Flackson and Col. Chuck O'Real action figures from the movie 'Starfate', don't know if you heard about it. Rare, mint on card, excellent condition, and they come with a free signed collectors card by the guy who was responsible for the catering on the set. Not that I need that one, but a friend of mine collects this stuff, and in exchange, I will get a holographic card of Lord Belmont from Lord of the Earrings, which I can exchange for a "Golden Girls" cigarette lighter for Colonel O'Phile - he loves the show, says Rose reminds him of his youth in Minnesota. This will make an excellent Christmas present, you know. Better than the tie he got from Major Dawn Smarter for his last birthday in any case." He returned his full attention to the computer in front of him; sometimes, alien words were murmured which sounded suspiciously like curses. There was sweat on his brow and a dangerous sparkle in his eyes when his fingers hovered over the keyboard like the deadly claws of a falcon, ready to make a kill. We did not dare to interrupt his concentration, and suddenly, he hit the 'ENTER' button with such force that the keyboard almost jumped off the desk. For a second, there was nothing but tense silence, then, finally, a howl and a whoop of victory. The fierce warrior jumped up, doing a wild in-promptu version of the "Time Warp." "I got it! I got it! I beat the bugger by 5 seconds! GO ME!" Sil'k danced over to the fridge and got out a beer. Ripping open the can, he declared: "You know, this chocolatehopbunny2 dude has outbid me five times already - always in the last minute. First he bid the Larry Hotter mug up to a ridiculous 23 bucks, then he outbid me by a dime on the Starcars-pins." He flopped down on the floor beside us, and we used his momentary euphoria to place a question. "Sil'k, many of our readers are a little worried that you are lonely, what with you living alone and under high security conditions all the time." Roaring laughter. "Me? Lonely? Naw - only last week, me, the colonel and Dr Dig checked out this new dance club in town - I can show you pictures, if you like. There is a nice one of Denzyl, a dancer and a python - and on Saturday, I was judge at the local beauty contest for female Jello wrestlers. Next Friday, I am of for the Buffy convention, and …" "You attend conventions?" our cartoonist gasps, paling visibly. "Like - like in 'Galaxy Quest'?" Sil'k laughs again. "Of course - it's great fun! Relax, dude - it's always a great party. Sure, the queuing is a pit of a pain, but this gives you lot of opportunity to talk to other collectors or flirt with fellow con-goers." He grins, winking. "Best dudettes you meet at conventions. Comic Con - oh, I wish I could tell you about the party me and Dr. Sulkson had with the contestants of the Xenia-look-alike-contest!" A dreamy sigh, and I can't help but ask why he can't tell us about those goings-on. He looks at me, puzzled. "Why, kid - I thought Pink Khaki is PG-13 rated?" Yes. How regrettable. "So Dr. Sulkson accompanies you to these - events?" Pinkie asks. Somehow, we always thought our favourite archaeologist to be rather serious and one not to find enjoyment in such events. "Oh yes, yes, of course - he's a great sci-fi fan. He actually put up a tent and slept outside the front door just to be the first one to get in line for an autograph of the 'A Dromedar in Space' cast. I think he fancies the female lead, if you ask me. Unfortunately, he caught a cold and couldn't speak for three days - for some reasons, Colonel O'Phile offered him a free ticket for next year." Before we can ask another question, Sil'k gets up. "Dudes, it's been great talking to you, but your time is up - I sell my collection of Evil System Lords Collectable Busts on GreedBuy tonight, and I'd like to watch who's bidding. And then there are the repeats of the first season of Y-Files which I have to tape, missed to do it first time round." With that, we are dismissed. Whatever your concerns regarding Sil'k might be, dear readers, one thing we can tell for sure: he has fully adapted to our lifestyle... |
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