| Dept. for Enlightment |
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| HOROSCOPE The future's not in the coffee grounds ... |
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| CAPRICORN: December 22 - January
19 General: for the time being, yes. Job: they have a go, but you have to stay. Love: you find a black lacey suspender in your mail on Wednesday. |
| AQUARIUS: January 20 - February
18 General: it's boring, boring, boring! Job: is boring, boring, boring! Love: everybody loves you, which is goodie goodie goodie! |
| PISCES: February 19 - March 20
General: a member of your tribe went MIA. You intend to pay a visit to Oma Desala. Job: you're awarded "alpha male of the month". Love: it's not that time of the year yet. |
| ARIES: March 21 - April 19
General: system lords just aren't anymore what they used to be in your time. Job: if you want something to be done right, you gotta do it yourself. Love: you really love yourself - at least it's somebody you can trust. |
| TAURUS: April 20 - May
20 General: it's a sour time for you. Job: you get to hear some acid comments. Love: somebody presents you with a crate of lemons, each wrapped with a bow. |
| GEMINI: May 21 - June 21 General: don't blame it on me, don't blame it on them, just blame it on the weatherman. Job: slippery when wet. Love: the envelope is perfumed, the letter is on pink paper and signed by "Mrs Musso". |
| CANCER: June 22 - July
22 General: you're getting really, really bored with this whole fluffycloudisationthingy. Job: ascending on Monday, descending on Tuesday, walking-thru-walls on Wednesday. Love: raining roses on Janet's desk was a lovely idea, beer bottles on Jack's wasn't. |
| LEO: July 23 - August 22 General: there's a petition started regarding your leather pants. You're a little worried. Job: You think it's time for a promotion. We think so, too. Love: the best way to a colonel's heart is through his stomach! |
| MAK'TOT: 17 Biff - Buff 93
General: you beat a brow at the situation. Job: You're loyal, honest, intelligent and fair. Your career as a politician is doomed. Love: single male alien seeks ... |
| VIRGO: August 23 - September
22 General: beware of To'kra bearing presents! Job: lack in discipline; you overhear some cadets calling you "Snake Charmer". Love is: sharing the oatmeal. |
| LIBRA: September 23 - October
22 General: Jean-Luc comes for a visit. You feel like you're in the wrong movie. Job: you got pretty good chances to become legend. Love: ehr. No. No. Definitely - no. |
| SCORPIO: October 23 - November
21 General: little pink clouds wearing glasses follow you where ever you go. Job: stick in the needle first, ask questions later. Love: involves champagne, a hot water bottle and an ascended being. |
| SAGITTARIUS: November 22 - December
21 General: the answer is somewhere out there. Job: it's a conspiracy! Is! Is! Is! Love: Your glasses keep steam up. Try contact lenses for a change. |